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Saturday, April 25, 2009

I'm foolish


I’m really, very foolish
I know of no one other than you

you’re looking at someone else
yet you have no idea of my feelings like this

I won’t be in your days
I won’t be in the memories either, however
only you, I looked only at you
and the tears keep coming

As i watch you walking past, I’m still happy
even yet you still don’t know my heart
I should stop this and go

I really want to see the day
I’m withstanding the pain each day
“I love you” is playing on my lips
Alone once again, crying for you
alone once again, missing for you
Baby, I love you, I’m wiating for you

I won’t be in your days
I won’t be remembered either, however
only you, I looked only at you
I’m making memories alone

Loving you is like having a beautiful wound
I look at your pretty smile also
but I cannot laugh with you

I’m thinking about you so much everyday
my heart is hurting in all these sad days
‘I want to see you’ is playing on my lips
alone once again, crying for you
alone once again, missing for you
Baby, i’m waiting for you, I love you

bye bye, never say goodbye
even though I cannot hold you like this
I need you, I cannot say anything more, I want you
I keep on hoping too, I’ll keep hoping….

I really want to see the day
I’m withstanding the pain each day
“I love you” is playing on my lips
Alone once again, crying for you

I’m thinking about you so much everyday
my heart is hurting in all these sad days
‘I want to see you’ is playing on my lips
alone once again, crying for you
alone once again, missing for you
Baby, i’m waiting for you, I love you

Thursday, April 23, 2009

纸船



一艘小纸船,悠悠地飘过来,吸收水分,渐渐沉默,世上最美好的东西都有有效期限。。

但我却不愿如脑海逝去的脸庞一样,和你成为陌路人。

不是要放弃,而是不曾抓住。终究是要闭上眼,眼睁睁地看着他随风而去。。随波逐流吧。。为何一定要坚持到最后呢?

反正,我从平凡中而来,也将从平凡中逝去。


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Transient happiness


Yesterday I had my GERKO Bola Baling as usual, 4pm to 6pm. We had friendly match with TESL Group.. Two weeks before the TESL organized a small competition. There was no doubt that we needed to participate the competition. That time we were very blur and didnt even know the rules. And TESL was strong also with tall Indians and Malays plus a chinese who was a state player for basketball. So we lose and the score was 2-1. It was a brand new experience for me as I did not participate in any sport games before.


Surprisingly, we won yesterday. I played the defence position. I ran here and there to disturb the opponents. It was tiring but fun. When you concentrated on the ball, you wont think too much. Then, you can forget all the things and stress that made you frustrated.

Our team's scorer was Sakinah. She was an experienced player. I like the way she scored coz she bounced the ball so that the goalkeeper lost track with the ball. The ball was reflected into the goal.

The final score was 1-0. Luckily our goalkeeper was really damn li hai, or else the opponents wont score nothing.

The most important part of yesterday was after the game finished, I walked to the side of the field. Then I heard the boys scream "Ai Teng!" I looked at them then I saw the handsome boy from PJ option give me a thumbs up and smiled with a wide radiance. Oh. My. Gosh. He was Kelvin Poh. Many girls love him because he has cute smile and very man. I was totally surprised and shy and replied him with a thumbs up also then looked down pretending to tie up my shoes.

Sigh.. Happiness was transient. Yet I was contended.

After that, it was the boys turn to match. Our group won as usual because most of the boys were from PJ option. Their performance was superb which made me kept screaming for them. One of the boys even can laid down and shot!

This was my another nice experience in my life. Hoping that I have chosen the right path for my life. Rockssssssssssss!!!!

Monday, April 20, 2009

A nice experience


Few days ago, my friend and I were called to help lecturer to do some work. The lecturer was Mr George. I was sleeping at that time but my friend woke me up. Tho my sleeping was disturbed, i still went to help. Hmm.. just wanna did some good deed and fulfilled my evil intention.. HEHEHE..


There were piles of documents without surprise.. We arranged and stapled them. Mr George and Mr Chan were there helping us also. I am quite admired them because they can communicate well and they are cool. Mr George teaches me Kemahiran Berfikir/ Thinking Skills. You will be attracted by him when he starts talking. I wish I can talk like him someday. And Mr Chan doesnt teach me. But i judge him as a good lecturer. I dont have bias against him although i admit he is cute with dimples.. XD

Then I helped Pn Goh to burn the cd. The burning process took a long time. So I killed time by chatting with lecturers. Actually they were the one who talked to me first. Yes, how could I talk much since I was so shy one? The main point of conversation was they were shocked that i got straight As in SPM but I chose to become a teacher. They kept "bom" me and i didnt know how to reply them. Sigh. Mr Chan suggested me to choose chemical engineers. Yes, I know engineering is a "hot" study field. I have many friends choose engineering. The coolest reason that I could think now was I dont want to follow other people paces. What a bullshit reason huh..

There were many reasons for me to get into maktab.. It was quite complicated.. But are they important now? No, not at all.. There was another female lecturer on the spot while I "kena bom". She wanted me to ignore the "bad guys". She said," Show them what you got! Prove to them!" She did not agree them to frighten me. I felt touched and I will remember her words. It was too bad for me that I didnt know her name. However, I knew Mr George and Mr Chan were with good intentions also. I appreciated their kindness.. Hmm. Lecturers from Jabatan Profesiolisme are really Professional.

Then, Sir Henry came into the jabatan awhile. He was my evil intention. Ooops what did I say? Neh, just kidding. After finishing all the jobs, they brought us to eat. XD happy~~ walau.. Eating with lecturers was a nice experience. It was because both of them were hilarious and fun.

Being a teacher is not easy. Being a Good teacher is NEVER EASY. Well, I wonder what kind of teacher I will become in a future.

敬请期待。



Deteriorate

I'm deteriorating. I hate myself.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The most intricate thing




The most intricate thing to find in this world.
Is it a needle that you lost in the desert?

The most intricate thing to find in this world.
Is it a crow's feather that you lost in the darkness of the night?

The most intricate thing to find in this world is,
Realizing your own erroneous contemplation.


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A slice of life


Life is rushing to make up on lost time

I have to stop and catch my breath

Move to the stands and catch a good sit

Take some time to look around

Get myself a slice of life

Just so I can stay sane

Going through my life..

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

What hurts the most?



What hurts the most for you now? I believe your heart will feel like being torn apart when your loves one are hurt by a monster. The saddest thing is you are unable to protect your love one. You are POWERLESS.

Once again, the monster beat my mum. I wondered why your hand did not feel pain when you hit somebody. Why are you always so childish and cannot control your emotion at all. What heinous crime has been committed by others that you totally cannot forgive them. Yae, I should know that monster only has the feeling of anger and hatred. "Monster” is the designation for belligerent human. You are akin a catastrophe to us.
We have endured the torment for so many years. U knew why I insisted to study outside? It was because I wanted to be independent.. And the utmost important reason was I wanted to stay away from U. Actually I could choose Curtin to study but I didnt. Who would forcast that you transferred to Kuching work?? If like that I will stay in Miri with mother now.. Well, I know life is which unexpected events always happen. I will let bygone be bygone and look forward.

I know that in the deep of my heart, I feel a little bit fortunate because I dont need to face melancholy now. My brother is the one who always carries the burden. He has become more mature and protective. Luckily he protected my mother that day. Or else, I could not think what would happen. He must be underwent excruciating pain when the monster said," you think you can protect your mother even if you are here???" I, as the bystander, feel like there is a knife piercing through my heart when I remember his word. How bout my brother? How did he feel when he heard the word?

Anyway, thank you dd for giving unconditional love and support to mum. You are the pillar for me and mother. YOU ARE MAN!!! I love you..

I hope that the monster can exercise the forbearance in treating people tho I understand that this is an unattainable wish.






Thursday, April 2, 2009

pondering

AN EMO POST. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

I am pondering that is there any eternity relationship in this world? Eternity friendship? Eternity love? Well, actually I dont think so.. Partings and reunions are vicissitudes of life. We always need to separate with the person that we care and love. I feel that my old friends and I are akin the ships travel in the sea. Some of the ships travel to Pacific Ocean, some travels to Atlantic Ocean.. Every ship has its own journey. Different life.

All of us lead a hectic life now. We need to work and study. I admit that this kind of life has made me become forgetful. I forget the old memories.. Forget that we had been so close before. Frankly, human is forgetful. I am one of them. No matter how good I treated you before, or vice versa, all of them will be omitted.


When you said you missed me, you wanna see me.. I believed it was true. I went back to my hometown and planned to see you. At last, we dint meet each other tho we were in the same city. How sarcastic huh.. You knew that this was a once in a blue moon opportunity. Sadly, it was not treasured by anyone..


And now, I might dont have the chance to see my old friends anymore. Since I left my hometown and transferred to a city that I longed to go before but not now.. It was ironic for me, but not you. I also do not deem that human relationships can be deepened by using sms or phone call or MSN. There are too many barriers; distance, time, money and fate. We cannot know each other's life explicitly.. It is vague.. And sometimes we are lazy to type or call. Therefore, we are estranged day by day..

I know my post may not be 100% true.. But I believe some parts are correct. I will be idle to explain to my friends the reasons that I write this emo post. I do not force you to truly understand me. Perhaps strangers may understand. The thinking keeps popping out from my head so I have to write. I am just lugubrious to human relationship recently..